I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
