I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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