he laminated a picture of his dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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