I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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