Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's even glitter on my cock...
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