Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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