I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
