also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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