did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
