'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
