she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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