you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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