My friends, they love my intelligence
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
