I am puke
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
