there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
