and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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