i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
