woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize