Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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