I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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