I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
