Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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