I just saw a hot homeless man
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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