Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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