i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
