The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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