i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
