Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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