He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
