she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize