Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
