I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
