so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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