i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
no you cant smoke seaweed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize