If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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