he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
