it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
