at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize