I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
