You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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