oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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