Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
