I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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