Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
