I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
