Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
