Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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