I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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