i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
