you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
