A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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