just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
