You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
