And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
