I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
