p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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