I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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