every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
