i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
3pm strippers are depressing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
