As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
