My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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