The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
