It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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