she smelled like a LAN party
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
